Over-run with 'em

Overheard last night...

"God, I hate Straight-er-ville."

Bugging Out

I hate killing insects. And it's for a lot of different reasons.

I don't like the thought of killing anything. Nor do I like the actual feeling of smashing an insect. For another thing, I'm pretty sure that the little bugger is going to come back to life a la Kafka and eat me. And the fact that I have control over something's life simply because I am bigger than it doesn't bode well for my future.

I often think that God's relationship with us is a lot like our relationship with insects. We're wondering around fairly oblivious but knowing that at least conceptually there is something out there larger than ourselves. And we go around carrying around weight 10 times greater than ourselves - either literally or figuratively - unsure if it's contributing to a greater good or our eventual downfall until one day it doesn't matter anymore and we meet our fate possibly at the hands of someone else. It just seems awfully familiar.

Then again, I do NOT want to be swallowing any spiders in my sleep, so I guess I have to put up with this necessary evil.

A backward poet writes inverse.

My mom sent this to me and I was in hysterics...

Creative Puns for Educated Minds

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

17. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

20. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

21. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Yo, girl.

Thanks to G for finding this site and letting me have a ton of chuckles last night...

"Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML"

http://www.fmylife.com/

And Hilarity Ensues

Ahh good lord...and hilarity ensues..

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2107337.ece

Just some excerpts from this lovely piece from across the pond:
"A LOVE pill that helps people fall head over heels for ANYONE is being perfected"
...
"It would be aimed mainly at shy people who find it difficult to start relationships — or those who want to give a shaky romance one last try before opting out"
...
"The potential of the passion pill — superior to “beer goggles” — was revealed by behavioural scientist Professor Barry Young in scientific journal Nature"
...
"It would have to be taken daily to maintain the attraction. But there could be problems if the drug-taker’s passion is not reciprocated — or if someone was spiked."

Developed for this woman...

All day...

Ugh...that's what I've been doing all day.

Hot Work

Do you really think that Coldplay is the most polarizing band in rock history? They very well could be. I tend to find myself on polar opposites each time I think of one of their songs.

Lost - Amazing Song
God put a smile on your face - Please come on...terrible
Warning Sign - Brilliant
Viva la Vida - Amateur at best

I'm not saying that I could do better because every single one of their albums has been a huge commercial success. But why is it that I can both hate and love this band at the very same time??

My hypochondria is catching up with me

I hate being sick. It's the worst feeling in the world. And all the comforts of the normal world actually make me feel worse.

Music hurts my ears. Food is tasteless. Movies cause me to tear my eyes out. Sleep is actually painful. Going outside is totally stupid and would cause this pain to last much longer than it needs to. Laughing takes more effort than it's worth. Facebook stalking is surprisingly less charming when you feel like you're about ready to die. Reading is next to impossible as concentration is no where to be found. Even breathing is labor.

I'm typing solely because I can't do anything else. Process of elimination. The only other thing I might do is lie here. For another 10 hours.

I'm going to make my daddy come pick me up and take me home.

Suit Up!

The easiest thing to do is fall in love with an unavailable man. That's why for the past three years, I've been madly in love with Neil Patrick Harris. There are so many reasons that this is a good idea.

1 - He lives in Hollywood,
2 - He's totally gay (but I wish I could go one episode of "How I met your Mother" without someone reminding me of that),
3 - He's a movie star and I'm not,
and finally, and I think that this is the kicker,
4 - He can sing better than a Sunday gospel school choir all by himself.

[PS. I put the whole thing in here. You may want to go to Hulu and watch it yourself for a more comfortable and enjoyable viewing experience. It's 42 minutes long.]

Good Movie Quotes

One of the old standbys...Casablanca.


Major Strasser: What is your nationality?
Rick Blaine: I'm a drunkard.
Captain Louis Renault: That makes Rick a citizen of the world.

Oh Robert, where art thou?

Peter Hayes, I know that I'm supposed to love you, but how can I when Robert looks like this??


One day, I hope to be as eloquent or as crazy beautiful as Robert from BRMC.

It's like a lucid dream. When you start writing a song and you feel like you're talking in tongues a little bit, like you're just speaking out of this lucid place in your mind. It's like when you have a dream and you don't really know you're guiding the dream and it's coming from you but while it's happening, it doesn't feel like it is. The thing is, with writing, being awake during it is the tricky part. You feel like you're only seeing glimpses of it, and the words come and leave just as quickly as you catch them, and so you only get part of the song, you only get, like, a quarter of it or half of it, if you're lucky. And the rest of it, you have this choice like, "OK, I'm awake and do I write it the way my conscious mind wants it to finish, in a very literal sense, or do [I] try and leave it with all the doors open, the same way it came?" That's usually how it is, and sometimes you can really mess up a song by putting yourself in it too much, by making it too literal. As soon as you go there, you can lose your way, because maybe the song actually wasn't meant to end like that. It's almost like the ego steps in, and the mind and the intellect, if it's smart enough to finish it.

David Cook, I’m mad at you.

The problem with writing about people that you know is that they might find out that you wrote about them because they know you. And then there are those people who know you but you don’t write about them (not yet anyway), and they pass it along to other people that they know who just so happen to pass it along to people who really have no business reading your blog except that they are one of those peripheral characters in your life that so elementally define what’s going on in your life right now that you blog about them which means that they are reading someone’s blog who they don’t really know who’s actually blogging about someone that they don’t really know who just so happens to be them. Confused? Me too. Which I guess is the problem with the internet.

Don't be such a bull-y...

Generally speaking, I don’t really like or believe in horoscopes. Mostly because it begins with “horo” which either makes me think of “whore-o” or “horror” neither of which do I actively want to be involved with. However, today, I was thinking would be a very good day to have my horoscope read to me. So I asked my cube neighbor to IM it to me. I am a Taurus.

For February 2: You won't take very kindly to anyone questioning your taste, authority or judgment. You expect others to respect what you've already done. Your current performance may still be difficult to define - probably because you're looking for a core identity, passion or purpose. You're allowed to experiment and find the ideal match between you and your career or projected image. Others don't have to unanimously applaud or even agree with you. But for now, they really need to support you. This is not only best for you; it's also good for them.

Take that, you Leos.