Over-run with 'em

Overheard last night...

"God, I hate Straight-er-ville."

Bugging Out

I hate killing insects. And it's for a lot of different reasons.

I don't like the thought of killing anything. Nor do I like the actual feeling of smashing an insect. For another thing, I'm pretty sure that the little bugger is going to come back to life a la Kafka and eat me. And the fact that I have control over something's life simply because I am bigger than it doesn't bode well for my future.

I often think that God's relationship with us is a lot like our relationship with insects. We're wondering around fairly oblivious but knowing that at least conceptually there is something out there larger than ourselves. And we go around carrying around weight 10 times greater than ourselves - either literally or figuratively - unsure if it's contributing to a greater good or our eventual downfall until one day it doesn't matter anymore and we meet our fate possibly at the hands of someone else. It just seems awfully familiar.

Then again, I do NOT want to be swallowing any spiders in my sleep, so I guess I have to put up with this necessary evil.

A backward poet writes inverse.

My mom sent this to me and I was in hysterics...

Creative Puns for Educated Minds

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

17. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

20. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

21. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Yo, girl.

Thanks to G for finding this site and letting me have a ton of chuckles last night...

"Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML"

http://www.fmylife.com/

And Hilarity Ensues

Ahh good lord...and hilarity ensues..

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2107337.ece

Just some excerpts from this lovely piece from across the pond:
"A LOVE pill that helps people fall head over heels for ANYONE is being perfected"
...
"It would be aimed mainly at shy people who find it difficult to start relationships — or those who want to give a shaky romance one last try before opting out"
...
"The potential of the passion pill — superior to “beer goggles” — was revealed by behavioural scientist Professor Barry Young in scientific journal Nature"
...
"It would have to be taken daily to maintain the attraction. But there could be problems if the drug-taker’s passion is not reciprocated — or if someone was spiked."

Developed for this woman...

All day...

Ugh...that's what I've been doing all day.

Hot Work

Do you really think that Coldplay is the most polarizing band in rock history? They very well could be. I tend to find myself on polar opposites each time I think of one of their songs.

Lost - Amazing Song
God put a smile on your face - Please come on...terrible
Warning Sign - Brilliant
Viva la Vida - Amateur at best

I'm not saying that I could do better because every single one of their albums has been a huge commercial success. But why is it that I can both hate and love this band at the very same time??